I get the feeling that when we talk about conciliation, we are looking to square the circle. We think that by using the magic words we can do twice as many things in the same amount of time and be in two places at the same time. And that's impossible. When we are working we are not at home and when we are at home we are not working. There's no more twists and turns to it. The word conciliation does not work magic. And besides, it is already so hackneyed that it has a diluted meaning, as if it were diffuse, which allows everyone to use it and interpret it as they see fit.
But a fundamental part is often forgotten.
It is true that the development of our professional career is an important part of our life, not only because we have to work to earn a living, but also because we have to work for a living. helps us to grow, to develop, to serve others and also to enjoy our work.If we are lucky enough to be able to work in what we really love.
But when we get married and have children, it is time to choose, and every choice implies renunciation. But a free choice implies a joyful renunciation. That is the magic word that is forgotten or hidden on purpose: renunciation, freely and joyfully.
And it is not that we have to totally give up one of the two things: either family or work. But we do have to assume that our professional life is going to be limited by being subordinate to our family, with all that this entails in professional and economic terms, or else that we have to accept that our family life is going to be limited by being subordinate to our family, with all that this entails in professional and economic terms. if we want to keep pace, position, time and place, and reach our peak of success, we will have to give up part of our family life.missing out on moments, hugs and laughter. And I say this for both women and men, we all lose and gain something with this resignation.
They're not going to follow your schedule to be home when you're available, that's up to you to do?
While the kids are little, it's more obvious that they need you to be there, to make sure they don't split their heads open by throwing themselves out of a tree or because they are so cute and we want to cuddle them all the time and not miss the magic moment of the rag tongue. And it seems that when they grow up you are not so much needed: they manage on their own, they spend a lot of time studying or going out with friends and they are not at home and if they are at home they often grunt instead of talking.
But, although I know it is difficult and very demanding what I am saying because it prolongs the time of resignation from full working life, it seems to me that when they grow up, we almost need to be there even more. To be able to see their faces when they get home and know if they need to tell you something or if you have to ask them, so that they can explode with joy with you because they got a 9 in Maths or they have been given the place they wanted, or cry because they have had a fight with their friends or boyfriend. Be there. You never know when they'll choose to tell you things, when they need you to listen to them.. They spend less time at home, schedules dance, they are no longer always there with you talking non-stop at ALL hours!!!
If you are there, you can not miss any opportunity to help them and accompany them and enjoy with them those moments that are increasingly scarce. If you are not there, or you are always busy, with your mobile phone dancing or in front of the computer, you are the one who misses that moment and they will look for someone else to tell them about it.
They are not going to follow your schedule to be at home when you are available, that is up to you to do. And I don't think it's enough to take them for a while to have a coke alone, that famous "little while" with each child that is so advised, and rightly so, I guess. Don't think that just because you're both alone quietly, that's going to be the moment to open up, far from it, it is quite possible that he prefers another moment as ?more disguised?, less forced.. Or it's simply that if he's not used to you being there and that you're always the one who listens to his things, he won't tell you no matter how much coke you put in front of him; he'll tell you some, so that you'll be happy and won't get any more, but he'll probably keep quiet about many of "those other things", the ones he really needs to let out.
Giving up part of one's professional life is more of a gain than a renunciation. I believe that everything that a professional career implies, which is very valuable, is reduced to almost nothing when compared to a moment of authentic and sincere intimacy with a child?
From the age of 14 to 16, you suddenly stop having children at home and start having "adults". All of a sudden they grow up and they become is when you realize how little time it lasts and that your children only lend it to you for a short while.You see that they are starting to leave home and there is no turning back. That's why it's worth squeezing and enjoying every little moment with them because they are moments of true happiness. And you also realize, much more clearly than before, that they are different from you, with their own criteria, ideas and opinions.
Turns out it was true that you were educating people, shaping lives.. And there is no more important, difficult, exciting and responsible job than that. If you have not done it, others will have done it in your place. And what you have not lived with them, will not remain in their memories or in their hearts, nor will it remain in yours. Only at home are you indispensable.
That's why giving up part of one's professional life is more of a gain than a renunciation. I believe that everything that a professional career implies, which is very valuable, is reduced to almost nothing compared to a moment of authentic and sincere intimacy with a teenage son or the afternoons of crafts and storytelling with the little ones.
Work-life balance is not a magic word that will make your children noble men and women just because you use it all the time. Nor is it going to give you moments with them if you have not made a good choice in your priorities. You freely choose what those priorities are and then reap the rewards. that you sowed, but not others.
The conciliation as it is sold to us (overwhelming professional success and full family life) does not exist.Forget about that; there is the renunciation of one of the two things to a greater or lesser extent, but count on the fact that you will have to renounce.
And then, of course, there will be the social and political demands necessary to achieve flexibility, reductions in working hours or intensive working hours and changes in the world of work so that this renunciation is possible and is easy and effective, of course, because it is true that sometimes they make it very difficult or almost impossible. And we must get involved in this, both ourselves and the business and political world, for the good of the family, of the individual and of society. The world of work should allow and encourage true conciliation, with the advantages that it also entails, but it is not done for economic interests or for not complicating life.. The business world also has to learn, like you, to use the words resignation and gain or it will be the squaring of the circle.